Cataclysm
by narnianvalkyrieofberk
Summary: Alone and desperate, Adrienne Agreste struggles with self-loathing. Trigger warning for self-loathing, depression, and attempted suicide.


_"Everyone hates you! Even your own father can't stand to spend time with you! All those people at school hate you too! Nobody really likes you! They only pretend to like you so nobody thinks they're jerks! You're a disgusting little creature! Go on and play the hero, little boy! You know deep down you're really nothing more than a weak little coward who can't do anything! You don't deserve to live. **EVERYONE HATES YOU**!"_

Adrienne covered his ears, but it didn't help at all. Why would it? The awful words he was hearing were in his own mind. What good would covering up his ears do when the pain was already inside him? They were right though…. Every word was true… Everyone did hate him. He was worthless…. "I tried to be good; I really did!" Adrienne defended himself to the jury of his own mind. "I try to be a good person, but it's so hard! Cat Noir makes up for it a little, doesn't he…?" Apparently not…

"I tried to be good…." Adrienne whispered to himself as he looked down at his arms. He was smart. Cutting would leave scars that would never go away and could be hard to cover up with makeup at photo shoots. But when the pain got too much and Adrienne needed some sort of outlet, he knew what to do. He'd dig his nails into his arm, swift and sharp, and rake them across his flesh. His arms would sear with pain when he did it, and they would often be tender for several days afterwards. It was never enough, though. He always needed it more. He always deserved it more than his arms could take. But it was better than nothing.

Now that his arms couldn't take anymore, Adrienne's thoughts started coming back even louder. The thoughts leaked from his brain and into the rest of his body. They made his blood boil; they made every bone in his body ache; they made his stomach sick; and they made his lungs feel like they were full and couldn't take in air. Adrienne was drowning in his own thoughts.

Suddenly a memory traced through Adrienne's mind. "I've often wondered what would happen if I used my cataclysm on someone." That was it. That was the solution.

Adrienne lifted his head just a little.

"Plagg, claws out!"

Soon it would be over. It wouldn't hurt anymore. Everyone would be happier.

"CATACLYSM!"

Adrienne held his hand high, ready to bring it down on his arm resting gently on the bed. He hesitated a moment. It was only a moment, I swear! But that moment was enough for Adrienne's phone to let out its frustrated "low battery" screech. The unexpected noise startled Adrienne, and his hand came flying down. But in its startled jerk, Adrienne's cataclysm hit his bed and not his arm.

"You can't even die right you worthless piece of ****!" Adrienne's mind screamed at him.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I meant to hit my arm, I really did!" Adrienne cried, pleading with his brain to stop harassing him. It really was an accident.

A few minutes later, Plagg appeared to find Adrienne curled in a ball sobbing on the floor about how he really was sorry he missed his arm, and it was a mistake, he really had meant to destroy himself, he just wanted to make everyone happy….

"Adrienne…. Why would you do something like that? Why do you want to destroy yourself?"

"Because I'm worthless…." And before Adrienne even realized what was happening, everything came pouring out. Every self-loathing thought that had been weighing on Adrienne's mind and slowly sucking the life out of him came spilling out of Adrienne like water out of a burst balloon. "I just wanted it all to stop….. I know it's stupid…."

"You're right." As much as Adrienne expected it, Plagg's confirmation of his loathing made him cringe. But then Plagg continued. "That little voice inside your head is stupid. And it's strong too. But I know you can beat it, Adrienne. You can win. I just hope you're around to see it."

Adrienne slowly raised his eyes to look at Plagg. He had never seen the kwami look like this before. This little kwami that would taunt at tease Adrienne all the time, who Adrienne was sure would be the second happiest to be rid of him, look at Adrienne with eyes full of worry.

Adrienne started crying again. "I'll try…. I promise I'll try and make it….."

"Good, because who else is going to get camembert for me?"


End file.
